For no reason, other than because I can, and it amuses me greatly.
#1. “Boy, it’s crazy to think we used to settle questions of paternity by dunking a woman in water until she admitted she made it all up. [Chuckles] Different time, the ’60s.”
#2. Dr. Spaceman: This is Dr. Leo Spaceman.
Liz: Oh, hi. I’m sorry, I got this number under “fertility” in the Writers Guild Health Manual?
Dr. Spaceman: I’m also listed under “meth addiction” and “child psychiatry”. So, what can I help you with? I should start by saying that I can’t personally help you conceive… Something happened to me while scuba diving.
#3. “Medically speaking, for your height, your weight puts you in what we call “the disgusting range.” Fortunately, there are solutions. For example, crystal meth has been shown to be very effective… How important is tooth retention to you?”
#4. Jack: Can’t you… inject something directly into his heart?
Dr. Spaceman: I’d love to. Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing where the heart is. See, every human is different…
#5. [while looking at an X-ray and smoking]: “Damn it, where are my car keys?”